


Tea and Cupcakes

by Madisuzy



Series: SofM challenge prompts [1]
Category: Bleach, Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Crack Crossover, Gen, M/M, Prompt 01 Crack Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madisuzy/pseuds/Madisuzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rift in Time and Space brings an odd assortment of characters from three different worlds into Esthar.  Laguna makes them cupcakes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tea and Cupcakes

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings - none  
> Setting – Esthar Presidential Palace – FFVIII  
> Prompt - 01 Crack fic - for SinsofMidnight's Writing Challenge on LJ

Tseng wasn't sure how he'd come to be here, and the sensible part of his brain kept insisting he must still be asleep and this was all just some kind of nightmare. Either that, or Reno had slipped something into his morning coffee and this was the most vivid hallucination he'd ever experienced. Tseng preferred the first option though, as if this was some kind of drug induced illusion, he was seriously worried about his sanity.

Rufus was in an apron and he was baking. Well, honestly, he was actually just helping baking, but still... Tseng couldn't get past the apron. It was blue, and it did suit his lover's eyes and bring out their color, but it also had strange yellow birds all over it that looked rather ridiculous. Yes, they were the same color as Rufus' hair, so technically it matched, but... well, this was Rufus Shinra, in a kitchen wearing a gaudy apron and baking.

Tseng hadn't even known the man _could_ bake. In all his years of guarding him, he'd never seen Rufus step into a kitchen to do more than pour himself a cup of coffee.

"This is... disturbing," the man sitting across from Tseng murmured, hand rising to elegantly push his glasses back up a little as Tseng looked over.

"Yes. Yes it is," Tseng replied, studying the unusual eyes of the other man, something both he and his strange companion had in common. "You claimed earlier that you and Grell Sutcliffe are both soul reapers?"

"That is correct," William T. Spears stated, his gaze flicking up to the mark on Tseng's forehead. "If you and your men are human, you should not be able to see either of us."

"You shouldn't be able to see Abarai and I either," the one called Byakuya Kuchiki added, sipping his tea as he stared past both Tseng and William at the far wall. "Although, I do not believe these two are soul reapers. They have no detectable spirit energy, and I have never seen anybody like them back in soul society. You do not even possess zanpakuto, unless that is what those gardening tools are. If so, it is an... interesting disguise."

"There is no disguise," William retorted, eyes darkening with his annoyance at the jibe. "All reapers have scythes for the primary purpose of reviewing and collecting souls. One does not use a crude weapon such as a sword to carry out such a delicate operation."

"A zanpakuto is not a crude weapon. It is a part of a reaper's soul. If you were a soul reaper, you would know that," Kuchiki stated.

"Do we really need to argue over our weapons, gentlemen?" Rufus commented, having walked in from the kitchen to stand next to Tseng while the two so called soul reapers argued. "I'm sure both of them have their pluses and minus', and it is obvious you're both very attached to them. One would think soul reapers had more dignity."

"You would be wise to not insult us, President Shinra," William said stiffly, adjusting his glasses again. "One day it might be your soul in our hands."

"As if I have time to worry about my soul, Mr Spears," Rufus replied, smiling insincerely. "Although, I think I'd rather have somebody like Kuchiki come for it. Having someone in a suit is a little too disturbingly familiar for my tastes. Besides, he's prettier than you are."

Byakuya looked like he wasn't sure whether to be insulted or pleased by the blond's preference.

"Well, that's just a bitchy thing to say," Grell cut in from the doorway, grinning when all eyes turned towards him. "My William is handsome, not pretty, after all. Just like your little guard dog there."

"Tseng is far from little, my lady," Rufus replied, turning to give the redhead a smirk before he headed back into the kitchen.

"Oh, well that's good to know," Grell chuckled, sending a wink in Tseng's direction. The Turk just stared, as he still hadn't worked out whether the redhead was actually a man or a woman yet. Was Rufus addressing him correctly or insulting him? It was always so hard to tell.

"Grell, didn't I tell you to stay in the other room," William muttered, glaring at the redhead.

"Yes, but I heard all the arguing in here and thought you might need backup, dear," Grell announced, wandering over to sit on the edge of the dinner table next to William. Then Grell leant back, blocking Kuchiki's view and forcing him to look at Grell just as the redhead winked. Byakuya raised one eyebrow but said nothing.

"From you? Unlikely," William retorted moodily. Why did the redhead have to flirt with every other man he came across? It was infuriating, and not because William cared. No, it was just the lack of professionalism that bothered him.

"Wow, you're right. He's just like Tseng," Reno added, wandering in to stand in the doorway.

"Reno," Tseng hissed in warning, but of course, his redhead ignored him.

"What? You say shit like that all the time. I can handle it, I don't need ya help, blah, blah, blah. Must be the dark hair, I suppose," Reno rambled, leaning on the door frame where Grell had previously been.

"How can it possibly have anything to do with hair color?" Byakuya murmured, feeling offended by proxy, as his hair was black too. "You can't seriously claim that everyone with black hair is one way or another. It's the most common hair color there is."

"They've got a point though, taicho. You hate it when I try to help you too," Renji chuckled, appearing next to Reno. "You even threatened to cut me down for it, until I learned to get out of your way. I try to help and you get mad."

Grell chuckled from his perch on the table's edge, sending another look over at Byakuya from under fluttering eyelashes.

"Oh really? You're so lucky, Renji. I bet he looks just gorgeous in a rage, brandishing his weapon at you," the redheaded reaper sighed, earning himself another death glare from his own boss.

"Sutcliffe," William growled, patience well and truly done.

"Yeah, ain't nothing more amazing than the sight of him with his weapon in hand," Renji agreed with a little sigh, completely missing the double meaning.

"Abarai, just shut up," Byakuya chastised stiffly.

"Personally, I think all three of 'em would look hot like that, all riled up and ready to punish our naughty little asses," Reno added, sniggering and causing Grell to do the same. Renji simply looked confused by their amusement.

Then Tseng pulled out his gun and pointed it at his subordinate and Reno stopped laughing.

"Okay, who's for cupcakes?" a cheerful voice announced. "There's plenty for every....." Laguna's voice died at the scene he walked into, his eyes wide and shocked as he stared at the gun held out by the one named Tseng. Oddly, it was pointed at his own subordinate, not at one of the other men.

"Tseng, put it away," Rufus ordered casually, walking in and around the stunned Laguna. "You're upsetting our host who has kindly made us afternoon tea. If it's really necessary, you can shoot Reno after we've eaten."

The gun was withdrawn and holstered immediately, Tseng breathing in deeply to calm himself before replying, "Yes, Sir."

"What the hell you mean by later?" Reno blurted out, but he let it go when Rufus turned a glare in his direction.

"For the sake of peace, we have two plates. My lady, would you kindly take this one out to the other room for yourself and the boys? " Rufus asked Grell, giving him another smile and a slight bow.

"I'd be happy to, Rufus dear. Do call if my William gives you any trouble now," Grell replied, taking the plate of cupcakes from Rufus and approaching the other two redheads in the doorway. 

Reno disappeared with a few mumbled curses, and Renji did the same after an apologetic glance at Byakuya. Grell didn't even glance at William before following both men into the other room.

"President Loire?" Rufus began, turning to smile at Laguna patiently. Their host was still a little stunned, but soon shook himself out of it, smile brightening as he approached and put the other plate of cupcakes on the table.

"I hope you enjoy them," Laguna added a little nervously, sitting down at the empty side of the table.

"I'm sure they will be lovely, President Loire. Please excuse my lieutenant's bad behavior," Byakuya apologized, bowing a little before taking a cupcake.

William twitched, determined not to be outclassed by the peacock at the end of the table.

"I would like to apologize as well. My subordinate was out of line," William murmured, taking a cake of his own.

Rufus sat down next to Tseng and poked him in the ribs when he didn't join in. With a quiet sigh, Tseng looked over at Laguna.

"I am sorry for almost shooting my subordinate in your kitchen. Next time I will take him outside first," Tseng muttered.

"Tseng!" Rufus hissed, kicking his lover under the table. Tseng growled softly, but otherwise didn't respond.

"Oh, there's no need for apologies," Laguna replied into the uncomfortable atmosphere, one hand coming up to rub the back of his neck nervously. "I know you're all under a lot of stress, being pulled out of your worlds and timelines so suddenly and plonked here in a completely foreign universe. It's totally understandable that you're all on edge."

"Indeed," Byakuya agreed as he reached over for the tea pot, filling Laguna's cup and then his own.

"Oh, thank you Mr Kuchiki," Laguna said, taking a sip and giving Byakuya a friendly smile.

"Your SeeD commander has an idea on how to fix this though?" Rufus asked, pulling Laguna's gaze back in his direction. "You mentioned in the kitchen that this has happened before?"

"Well, not exactly. Last time it was just time travel, not universe skipping, but Squall has an idea about what's caused it and he's gone to sort it out with professor Odine. I'm sure they'll work it out and have you all back where you belong in no time," Laguna explained, one hand gesturing in the air. "Squall's great with stuff like this, so you're in good hands."

"So... time travel is normal here?" Tseng asked, one eyebrow rising in disbelief.

"Around Squall it is. It's cause he was a sorceresses' knight before, and had to fight another sorceress, not his own, and to do that he had to go through time compression, back in time. It was all very confusing but I'm sure he can explain it better than I can when he gets here." Laguna took another sip of tea, looking over the edge of the cup to find all eyes on him. "What?"

"You expect us to believe you have sorceresses in your world, and your son was a knight? And he traveled back in time to defeat one?" Tseng asked, managing to block Rufus' next kick under the table.

"Well, it's just as believable as them being soul reapers who are supposed to be invisible," Laguna retorted, frowning at the Turk. "Or that in your world, you suck the soul out of the planet to use for energy."

Tseng looked over at Rufus, who simply shrugged.

"I told him because I wanted to know what they used for energy here. How was I to know they'd never heard of the lifestream," Rufus murmured, sipping on his own cup of tea. "Besides, he does have a point."

Tseng rubbed his eyes. Yes, this definitely must be a nightmare, as the level of ridiculous was well past his imagination. The silence dragged on and eventually Tseng reached for a cupcake, curious as to whether the two Presidents could bake successfully. 

Surprisingly, they were delicious.

***.***


End file.
